Why We Feel Alone...
(c) 2006 Nick Gray
Day-to-Day …because we feel we get ourselves up in the morning and at the end of the day we feel earned it all.
In Reality …the whole day the Lord was carrying us and using us to make it all happen.
Why is feeling we earned something wrong? Having grown up in a capitalist society like the United States, I’m not totally opposed to the idea that we haven’t earned things in this world. However, when I gave my life to the Lord in February 2000, my view has changed to accept the fact that I must maintain the understanding that Christ is involved in my every move. So, when I gave my life up to Christ, I became a temple (1 Corin 6:19) or vessel (1 Thess 4:4) for the Holy Spirit working through my life. Anything I was able to give from that on point on as a result of striving to accomplish His grace in the world, came from asking for His forgiveness first, and then asking, day-by-day for Him to carry me.
At several unusual periods in my life, I've felt extremely alone at nights. I had gotten the misguided impression that the Lord wasn’t there, and that I was functioning without any help whatsoever. If you’ve ever felt that feeling, at times it’s nauseating, so much that you get lost in yourself.
However, when I sit down to really focus on the problem, did I do anything to introduce my Lord into the activities of the day? Yea sure, I may have woken up and asked God to get me through the day, prayed at each meal and prayed at night, but if a husband only talked to his wife at those times, how deep would there relationship be? Speaking from a married man’s perspective who has been so busy that his wife is the last thing on his mind, relationships don’t just develop depth through lack of contact. Asking probing questions from a caring heart is what makes the other person feel loved. Honestly caring when the other person is suffering trials shows a love that most can’t possibly understand.
Speaking from the perspective of a husband that’s failed time and time again at developing a deep relationship with his wife, marriages that you don’t give your heart in become hollow really quickly. A marriage requires a little more than just a kiss on the cheek and a "Oh, it was nice talking to you (...for five seconds)." I got news for you...God asks more than that, too. He wants you to come to Him about everything, whether in complete desperation or only slight disposition. That dependence shows you just who's in charge, and let's you consistently know not only that you aren't in control, but it also gives you that constant reassurance He's there.
My grandmother died in July 2004, about a month and half after my wife and I got married. I loved my grandmother very much, and when the Lord called her home, her kidneys had failed which basically meant that her body could not handle the amount of poisons that should have been filtered from her body. Had she been able to safely extract those chemicals, her body would have functioned normally, and the body that God had provided her, would have saved her. But, as we all saw, the Lord felt it was her time to come home.
Ultimately, the simple act thanking God for giving you continued life when you use the bathroom is an act of worship. Pastor Scott, a close friend, once made the comment that praying to God in the bathroom is irreverent. I would agree if you were praying to God out of convenience. However, I worship God through that necessary means of poison extraction.
It seems cheesy, but think about it…my brother has been a dialysis technician for most of his adult life, and between my grandmother’s kidney failure and my brother’s chosen career, for me, doesn’t that put a proper perspective on exactly what God does on a regular, hourly basis in my life? And (for lack of propreity), can't a fart be labeled as a joyful noise?
Antics like these are frequently seen in marriages, to where the husband must find little things that his wife enjoys so that they can continue to remain close. As sad as it may sound, going to Taco Bell is actually heartwarming for my wife and I. Though I’m not sure why, it’s most likely the quality time spent together (…and obviously not the food). We get time away from our busy lives to realize that value of one another amidst life’s hard trials. And in the end, we come home laughing at who farts more. (...now, that’s love…)
…No, really…shouldn’t our relationship with the Lord replicate a very similar attitude to what is seen in a valued, functioning relationship with one’s husband or wife? Why should the being that created us deserve any less attention than that of another human being? Could this be at the very core of why we feel alone and helpless at times?
Historical Truths...
Listen to this excerpt from the Bible:
"'Everything is meaningless,' says the Teacher, 'utterly meaningless!'"
"What do people get for all their hard work? Generations come and go, but nothing really changes. The sun rises and sets and hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south and north, here and there, twisting back and forth, getting nowhere. The rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then the water returns again to the rivers and flows again to the sea. Everything is so weary and tiresome! No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content."
"History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. What can you point to that is new? How do you know it didn't already exist long ago? We don't remember what happened in those former times. And in future generations, no one will remember what we are doing now."
(Ecclesiastes 1:1-11 - NLT)
Man, how depressing is that? I got news for you, the guy that wrote this (likely Solomon), was said to have been one of the wisest figures in all of the Bible. That doesn't sound very wise to me...it just sounds like somebody groaning and moaning about how much life sucks. I see that all the time...how is this guy Solomon any different?
"Nothing under the sun is truly new." These bold statements are spread all throughout the book of Ecclesiastes. What do you suppose that means? You may have your own thoughts, but based on my own research, I'm being led to assume that Solomon's referring to the world without God. Quite literally, if you imagine what Solomon would have been exposed to back then (no ability to leave the physical earth, he only knows of this mysterious thing called a sun always rises in the East and sets in the West with no knowledge of what space, stars or planets actually are, etc.), everything "under the sun" was worldly stuff. In a nutshell, Solomon is saying that the world without God is meaningless.
Ok, where's the significance in that? Where isn’t it? Think about it...Solomon was a King...King Solomon. He had at his fingertips anything he wanted, and he thoroughly indulged in it...
"I said to myself, 'Come now, let's give pleasure a try. Let's look for the 'good things' in life.' But I found that this, too, was meaningless. 'It is silly to be laughing all the time,' I said. 'What good does it do to seek only pleasure?' After much thought, I decided to cheer myself with wine. While still seeking wisdom, I clutched at foolishness. In this way, I hoped to experience the only happiness most people find during their brief life in this world."
"I also tried to find meaning by building huge homes for myself and by planting beautiful vineyards. I made gardens and parks, filling them with all kinds of fruit trees. I built reservoirs to collect the water to irrigate my many flourishing grooves. I brought slaves, both men and women, and others were born into my household. I also owned great herds and flocks, more than any of the kings who lived in Jerusalem before me. I collected great sums of silver and gold, the treasure of many kings and provinces. I hired wonderful singers, both men and women, and had many beautiful concubines (i.e. prostitutes). I had everything a man could desire!"
"So I became greater than any of the kings who ruled in Jerusalem before me. And with it all, I remained clear-eyed so that I could evaluate all these things. Anything I wanted, I took. I did not restrain myself from any joy. I even found great pleasure in hard work, an additional reward for all my labors."
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-10)
It all sounds good doesn't it? In fact, it sounds a lot like what we look for in the world today. "I'm going to earn every last penny, and step on whatever and whoever I need to get to where I need to be. I need that paycheck...I need that music and that 1000 dollar stereo system in my car with all the latest music. I need to go get some good food and I have the choice of either McDonald's or the fancy restaurant of my choosing because I have the money to afford it. It's Friday night! I have to go out and party or do something!"
Ahhh! Wait! Listen to what he wrote right after vs. 11...
"But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless. It was like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere."
(Ecclesiastes 3:11)
That man had everything. He had money, power, land, live bands, medieval McDee's out the wazoo, and more women than he could ever think to do with. And he even enjoyed working! What went wrong? Well, Solomon is called 'Solomon the Wise' for a reason. What he's trying to say is that life without the Lord is, quite plainly, meaningless.
Ok, from the opposite side...I'm having a Solomon “whining” moment myself. At one point in my life, I had come to the realization that my life sucked. I had everything I could possibly ask for from a Christian standpoint. I was more involved in the church than I could possibly ask for and that’s where my heart was at. I was freak'n awesome at my job and actually was considered number one in my career field for all of the U.S. Air Force. I was considered to be a good Sunday School teacher, I worked for the Praise Band to which I had almost single-handedly built a system from scratch, and on occasion got to play and sing for them. I attended church weekly, I attended Bible study a lot, and I had written a lot of deep songs about the Lord. I didn't drink...I didn't party with the quote, 'bad Christians', and I did exactly what a 'Christian' was 'supposed' to do. I even had a good 'Christian' relationship with a woman to which we were so in 'love' with one another. What was I missing?
Well, now, I'm still following as I was asked to (according to the ten commandments and the things spoken about in this book), but several things have drastically changed since that period in time...mainly my relationship with God. I'm not just praying to God in the mornings and meals any more. I'm praying all throughout the day, even about stupid stuff:
"God, I know this is a stupid request considering I live a mile from work, but can you get me to work safe today?"
It was little stuff like that. At times, it was extremely demeaning, but in God's eyes it's called “humbling” me (James 4:10). By practicing with all the little stuff, when the big stuff came I knew exactly what to do...to go to Him. I used to wake up in the mornings not wanting to move, but at the times I was able to keep the right “humble” attitude toward God, I became happy when I’d wake up because I was looking forward to talking to God...whom I had a good conversation with just the night before.
This sounds like a good marriage doesn’t it? You talk, you spend time together with walks in the park…this idea seems absurd to some because you're speaking to an “imaginary friend”, but keep in mind that the Gospel makes it explicitly clear that men will turn away from the Truth of God’s Word, and will refuse His gift of life (2 Thess 2:9-10). If you've never genuinely spoken to a God's that's real, than speaking out seems goofy, almost like speaking to an "imaginary friend". However, in reality, you are speaking to a God that's very, very real, despite the misguided views of some who have yet come to a realization of that Truth.
In time, you must understand that our perception of reality changes drastically depending on circumstances. When I was once a teenager in my parents home, I was bothered and upset at the reasoning my parents had for taking out the trash. Now, over ten years later, I distinctly remember the smell that arises from a trash can when it's not properly taken care of. I know this is a poor analogy in relation to our relationship with God, but God is real, and our relationship (or lack thereof) can have serious impacts on our everyday lives...and a incorrect or failing relationship with Him on our parts can lead to a "stinky" reality where we focus so much on the smell, but not on the problem itself.
Through the works of Josh McDowell, Voddie Baucham, Calvin McCutcheon, Cedarville University, and a whole slew of intellectual Christian evangelists throughout the last two thousand years, my faith has been strengthened immensely in regards to trusting the original texts (Old and New Testaments). So to me, the question of whether we can trust the Bible as God’s Word is irrelevant as it has already been proven as true and accurate. Absolute Truth does exist to me, and if I am willing to trust it, I can trust that God has provided guidance and love for me in times of need.
Take for example Hebrews 13:5, “…I will never leave you nor forsake you…” (KJV). Did you know that particular Scripture shows up twice in the Old Testament as well (Deut 31:8 & Joshua 1:5), and is eluded to (in context) in an end times text known as Revelation 3:12? Why would God say things like that? Why would God reassure us He’s there? Ya think it has anything to do with the fact that people here in every culture around the world constantly barrage us with reasons that He doesn’t exist? God knew that and has forseen that in every culture that has existed since the beginning of time. God knew we were gonna feel alone. He put that there so we would always remember His presence in our lives, if we're willing to see the problem and take a step forward in dealing with it.
Sin’s Effect on the Relationship...
At one time, I had a 'successful Christian' relationship to which I had every intention of getting married. There was one major problem. I was very sexually involved with this particular Christian girl. For some odd reason, we had gotten to several irrational points in our walk. First, we did sexual things we knew that were wrong...and honestly, that's what made it exciting. "Oh, we have to stop this," we kept on telling ourselves. Second, we began to accept doing sexual stuff because we "couldn't do anything to stop it anyway...we're inherently sinful." (Romans 3:12; 3:23) Third, we became comfortable with the action, and eventually stopped going to God about the issue.
Now reflecting back on that, every single step should have been recognized and stopped, but because we decided to keep it amongst ourselves, I wasn't accountable to anyone but her...with the exception of the guilt God had placed in my heart and her's. And so, with the exception of God’s voice in our hearts in the beginning, we had no one to help further convince us that the sin we were encountering was relinquishable other than a two thousand year old text that seemed vague and illegitimate in light of our own overly perceived needs, to which, at the time, I wasn’t even willing to take literally as God’s Word in my heart and in my actions.
However, we need to study this more carefully…
At first, we knew we were doing wrong, but secretly, defying the authority is what we enjoyed about the action, not so much the action itself. Not to mention, the action was awesome. We were partaking in something that was intended for something beautiful, so it doesn’t surprise me that we enjoyed it so much. Unfortunately, we weren’t married, and according to God’s direction in Exodus and in many other Scriptures throughout the New Testament about fornication (sexual acts outside of the bounds of the marriage bed), we should not have been doing that, and we knew it. God’s voice was apparent at that point in our relationship, it was just being ignored.
Later on, we accepted the fact that were sinful, and just gave up trying to stop the action. Historically, that’s how satan does it…he convinces us that we’re no match for sin. However, Paul the Apostle makes the comment in his exhortation to the Romans:
“Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more kindness and forgiveness? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it? Or have you forgotten that when we became Christians and were baptized to become one with Christ Jesus, we died with Him? (ref: John 3:1-21) For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism (of the Holy Spirit). And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives.” (Romans 6:1-4 - NLT)
Needless to say, the guilt I felt from God was wearing away as I kept on pushing away His voice more and more. If you imagine a situation where a wife didn’t leave her husband, yet the husband kept on cheating on her and she knew it, how would that leave the wife feeling? If she loved her husband, would she quit pleading with him to stop cheating on her? Obviously not as she would tell him time and time again, pleading for his love through obedience to their marriage. However, in reality, he would find more and more ways of ignoring her because he cared more about his selfish desires than his faithfulness to her, until such a time that he chooses to realize the negative impact of his selfish actions, or she legally divorces him. Sadly, that’s how sin works. It persists like athlete’s foot, till before you know it, your entire foot is itching and that’s all you can think about.
Getting back to that past relationship, I began to question, “Why do I still feel alone?” Ultimately, at the time, I lost sight of the big picture. I forgot about people. I forgot about God. See, when I kept on committing those sexual acts outside of marriage, I stopped thinking about God and the impact it may have on my future marriage. I forgot about loving the other person and the other people in my life, and I become enslaved in doing the right actions in order to gain that sexual pleasure. Like the itch of athlete’s foot, all I felt I needed was that next "sexual high". To make things worse, my partner in crime became a sexual object instead of a real human being. …and God…where was He in my mind?
Jesus said:
"'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself'. All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."
(Matthew 22:36-40 - NLT)
Now really, in light of that Scripture, was my heart where it should have been? If all I was concerned with all day was 'getting some' from my woman, at what point in there am I willing to set aside time for God’s people, let alone time for God? Solomon knew this. He said he "had many beautiful concubines". Dude, Solomon was loaded and he had many, many beautiful women. He got thirty to forty times more than any man could ever handle, and yet, "it was ALL so meaningless."
Solomon longed for a life with a real God, and after partaking in everything he knew in his teaching and in his heart that was wrong, he longed for something genuine…something lasting…something real. Solomon knew he was doing wrong, and if you read further in Ecclesiastes, he realizes and understands just exactly what he did wrong and how to come back to the Truth.
Ultimately, he's trying to say that if you put aside the Lord for the world, you will be alone...not because God walked away from you, but that you walked away from Him. Even in the midst of overcoming sin, God is there for us as a protector and Counselor if we’re willing to follow His voice while overcoming such trials (John 15:26). Unlike the wife that you cheat on from a distance, this Spouse never leaves you and sees every sinful act you commit, and loves you to a point of repentance...and change. What a thought huh?
In reality, though, God hates sin, and a good majority of the ten commandments (Exodus 20:1-17) are focused on how man is more concerned about making a god for himself than focusing on the one true God and the rules and guidance He set for us in this life. (Exodus 20:5; Deuteronomy 5:9)
Relationships Take Work...
So, is it any wonder why we are confused and alone at times? Either the world’s brainwashing us to assume God’s not there, or our own personal drive to sin is forcing us to ignore God’s voice because we’re more concerned about what we are getting than what we are giving. It’s no wonder why we often lose focus of life and get self-absorbed and feel alone.
"If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross daily, and follow Me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for Me, you will find true life." (Luke 9:23-24 - NLT)
What do you suppose, “…shoulder your cross daily…” means? I would have to say that is determined by you and God (through a correct interpretation of the Word He provided for you). If you put away all your selfish ambitions, your wants to have sex before marriage, your wants to have that awesome car even though you can barely afford it, your wants to go to the job you know isn't glorying God's sight even though it pays good, your wants to go and party in ways the Lord tells you is wrong, but you do it because it's fun and you have to keep your sanity...these things are "…like chasing the wind…" Solomon says. Put them away and get rid of them all.
Pick up YOUR cross daily, meaning all the suffering you must endure for your loving servitude for Christ, and follow Him. You may think that the sin you’re called to overcome is hard, but honestly, do you think it was cake for Jesus Christ to pick up that cross the day he was flogged to a point that nobody recognized Him, so that your sins can be forgiven? I don't think so.
If anything, at least hear my example and learn from it. I gave my life for Him. I gave up all I had doing my best to expect absolutely nothing in return but what God felt was necessary for me to succeed for Him. Was it a noble cause? Yea sure...was it effective? You tell me. I may not be happier than I’ve been the past, but I first understand that when sin is finally gone from the world I will be with my Father in Heaven. When that times comes, His character and person won’t be a surprise to me but rather a joy of something I had felt all my life because I had taken the time to give to Him when the rest of the world could care less about spending time with Him. No matter where I’m at, my Father "will never leave me, nor forsake me" (Hebrews 13:5). I have very little in this life that belongs to me, and even that I would give up for the Lord. How do you think that kind of devotion comes across in the eyes of a God who created me?
I gave up my relationship with that beautiful 'Christian' woman because I couldn't stop putting sexual stuff before God, and because He told me what I was doing was wrong. Now, relationship-wise, am I alone?
Years later, I found a woman with a heart for God, and even though we conflict a lot as a result of our past worlds, we both have a real heart to serve the Lord, and that means worlds to be her and I, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord values that marriage because we waited for the timing of the Lord. We took on a mate that was focused on the Lord, and we didn’t focus on our selfish sexual desires prior to that marriage. Though it’s not my place to discuss sexual issues here, I can tell you that faithfulness within the bounds of a marriage is something not easily recognized, but is something that is valued at the very heart of God and is truly evident at the heart of God’s Word.
I’m continually learning that relationships, both with God and my wife take quality time, probing interests into the depth of who my love truly is, and ultimately, what I’m willing to commit in an act of faithfulness to that true Love.
Why We Feel Alone...
Now, back to my point, do you understand why we feel alone? We feel alone because we get selfish and we lose sight of reality…the reality God created for us to really enjoy and the mission He called us to do (Matthew 28:19-20). It seems like an awfully simple answer to a really complex problem, but in reality, the problem isn’t as complex as we make it out to be.
To clarify, I would like to end on a poem I wrote recently that helps give a proper perspective on depression which coincidentally also deals with our feelings of loneliness. This poem has helped me to overcome a lot of depression issues, and ultimately, is a sum up of what God wants me to understand regarding His love for me. I pray that you read this as though it’s reserved for you and Him, and realize, maybe for the first time, of a relationship that’s real and the most powerful tool in your walk here on earth.
Depression: The Great Illusion
Depression is an illusion put over our eyes
to make us think we’re incapable.
God’s there, waiting to pull you out.
Depression is an illusion that blinds your ability to see.
As you walk, you think nobody cares…
…“Nobody loves me.”
Depression is an illusion that makes us think we’re helpless.
As you walk, you think you can’t function…
…you think, ”I can’t get up.”
Depression is an illusion that stops us from loving others.
As you walk, you become more concerned…
…With what you are taking…
…than what you are giving.
God’s there, waiting to pull you out.
God’s Word dissolves the illusion and allows you to see.
As you walk with Him, you realize He cares…
…”He really does love me.”
God’s Word dissolves the illusion and allows you to stand.
As you walk with Him, you realize you can function…
…”He will pick me up.”
God’s Word dissolves the illusion
and allows you to continue loving others.
As you walk, you become more concerned
….With what you are giving…
…than what you are taking…
…and you realize:
“For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it…
…but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”
- Jesus - (Matthew 10:39; 16:25 / Mark 8:35 / Luke 9:24)
God’s Word dissolves the illusions put in place by the devil.
As you walk in Truth, you realize…
…how much God loves you…
…how much God gives you the strength to stand…
and …what your mission here on earth really is…
- Jesus - (Matthew 28:19-20)
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posted by Gray, Nick at 1:14 AM
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